


The Candy Man

by suitesamba



Series: Severus Sighs Anti-Valentine's Day Fest 2013 [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, None - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-22
Updated: 2013-02-22
Packaged: 2017-12-03 05:33:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/694719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suitesamba/pseuds/suitesamba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>Summary:</b>  The Hogwarts staff is surprised enough to see Severus Snape out and about the corridors on Valentine’s Day. But passing out candy? What madness has overcome him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Candy Man

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2013 Anti-Valentine's Day fest on the Severus Sighs community on IJ for Prompt 1: Instead of glaring or cursing or scathing comments that make children cry, Severus is smirking and passing out candy to his friends. Well... his kind of candy, anyway ;)
> 
> **Disclaimer:** This is a work of fiction. The characters and their worlds belong to their original writers and no copyright infringement or offense is intended. No money was made from this story.
> 
> Thanks to my betas, Roozetter and Abrae.

“Severus Snape—are you smiling?” 

“And a happy Valentine’s Day to you as well, Headmistress.” Severus stopped in the corridor and smirked at Minerva.

Minerva narrowed her eyes. “Severus? Are you well?”

“Perfectly.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out two silk bags, one red, one white. He looked at them both a moment, then tucked the red one back in his pocket and handed the white one to Minerva. She stared at the bag in surprise, looking up when Severus spoke again.

“Ah – is that Professor Longbottom?”

The Headmistress turned and glanced down the corridor. “Of course that’s Neville, Severus. Surely you recognize him? He’s been teaching here for five years.”

But Severus was already striding down the corridor away from her. Minerva stared once again at the bag in her hand. She opened it—gingerly—to find a handful of ordinary candy conversation hearts. 

Or perhaps not so ordinary.

“Big Mama…” She looked up after Severus and frowned. “Old Bat? _Fat Cat?_ Severus Snape, come back here!”

But Severus was too far away to hear her, or simply chose to ignore her.

*~*

“What are you doing out of your quarters, Snape? It’s Valentine’s Day.” Neville looked suspiciously at his colleague as Severus stopped in front of him and smirked. He shifted uncomfortably in the face of this decidedly odd behavior. The acerbic professor was always in stealth mode on February 14th, not out openly prowling the corridors and _smirking_ at people.

“Ahh. It is. And I trust you are having a happy one?” answered Severus. He reached into his pocket, not waiting for Neville’s response, and extracted three small silk bags. He handed the pink one to Neville and pocketed the red one and the polka-dot one.

“Um…thanks, I think,” muttered Neville. He held the bag out in front of him as if it contained a dung bomb about to go off.

Severus nodded pleasantly - _pleasantly?_ \- and continued along around the corner.

Neville shook his head. Maybe the old bastard was coming around. He pulled apart the drawstring on his bag and shook out the contents onto his palm.

He stared down at his hand. He was holding a half dozen colored candy hearts, each emblazoned with a Valentine’s phrase.

“Snake Bait? Sod Off? Man Boobs? What the…?” He shook his head, tipped the candies back in the little bag, pulled the drawstring shut and tucked it in his pocket, relieved, despite the insults, that Snape was still…well, Snape.

*~*

“Severus!” Sybill Trelawney’s deep voice reverberated behind him.

“Ahh, Sybil. So lovely to see you today. Here.”

He shoved a white bag with red polka dots at her, smirked happily, and moved on down the corridor.

“Candy? For me?” she asked, her throaty voice nearly quivering. She opened the bag and pulled out a pink candy heart. “Big Fraud?” She stared at the heart, realization dawning. “How dare he!” She reached in again. “You Slut? No Thx?” She shook her fist in Snape’s general direction. “I predict this day will end badly for you, Severus Snape!”

*~*

By the time Harry Potter, the new Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor, made it to the Faculty Lounge at the end of the day, most of his colleagues were already gathered inside. He paused at the door, still holding the little red bag Severus Snape had just pressed into his hand as he was climbing the stairs from the Entry Hall. The professors were gathered around the fireplace, talking animatedly.

“And one of mine said _You Runt_ ,” exclaimed Filius. “Could he be more insulting?” 

“He made fun of my inner eye,” moaned Sybil. “ _Blind Seer_ indeed! And _Daft Bint_!”

“It’s no worse than _Pot Head_ ,” said Neville, sighing.

Harry ginned.

“Or _Big Ass,_ ” huffed Poppy, shifting uncomfortably on her chair.

“Or _Girl Boy,_ ” said Hooch.

“I had Big Mama, Fat Cat, Old Bat, Old Maid, Sad Sack and one I will not repeat,” contributed McGonagall. “I do not feel sorry for any of you.”

“Well, at least Severus finally is showing some holiday spirit,” said Slughorn. “And I, for one, think we’re all reading too much into this. The choice of messages may have been nothing more than random….”

“What did you get, Horace?” asked Minerva, cutting him off.

“Well… _Lard Butt_ , for one,” he said. “But that could apply to any number of us.” He shrugged and popped a purple heart into his mouth.

Harry grinned again, happy that for now, anyway, _Lard Butt_ did _not_ describe his posterior.

“Harry!” Neville had looked up and caught him loitering in the doorway. “What did you get?”

“Oh, this should be good!” said Filius, rubbing his small hands together in glee. “Severus hates Harry! It might make _You Runt_ sound like a compliment.”

Harry hoped Severus didn’t still hate him. He certainly thought differently about his former professor since he’d started teaching at Hogwarts last term. He reluctantly pulled open the drawstring on the bag Snape had pressed into his hand. He’d thought, at the time, that something was off about Severus, as he’d had a particularly big smirk on his face and had held onto Harry’s fingers a touch longer than necessary. 

“Go on Harry—read one!” said Neville, encouraging him.

“Suck me,” said Harry. He clapped a hand over his mouth. _Suck me?_

“Suck me?” repeated Horace. 

Harry was staring at the hearts on his palm.

_Kiss Me._

All right. He could do that.

_I’m Urs._

Harry stared, his eyes widening as he made sense of the Urs. _Yours._ Really?

He flipped an orange heart over with his fingernail.

_Let’s 69._

He glanced up, face flushed. Everyone was staring at him. He hurriedly looked back at his palm.

_Eat Me. Fuck Me. Desk Sex. Cum Now._

“Um…”

“Harry? Go on…what else?”

“Well…there’s…” Harry struggled to make something up…anything…while below his belt his cock slowly sucked most of his blood away from his brain. He blinked again at the words on the candy, then quickly poured them back in the bag and pocketed it.

“4 Eyes,” he said. He shook his head. “Git.”

“Four Eyes?” Filius looked at Minerva as Harry hurried away down the corridor. “He’s losing his touch.”

*~*

Harry stood in the corridor, Snape’s solid office door between himself and his goal.

He raised his hand and knocked sharply on the door.

“Enter.”

Snape looked up from his marking as Harry pushed open the door, entered, then closed it behind him. They stared, each assessing the other.

“Well?” asked Severus.

Harry walked forward until he was leaning against the front of the desk. He fished the bag out of his pocket, spilled the contents onto the desk, and began arranging the hearts.

_Kiss Me. Eat Me. Suck Me. Let’s 69. Fuck Me. Desk Sex. Cum Now. I’m Urs._

“In that order,” said Harry softly. He looked up, met Severus’ eyes, and smiled. “More or less.”

Severus’ eyes darkened. He reached out an ink-stained, long-fingered hand, wrapped it around Harry’s neck, and pulled him forward. Their mouths met in a hungry, demanding press of lips and tongue. Harry pulled back, smiling.

And Severus looked down at the hearts on his desk. Very deliberately, he flicked away the heart that said “Kiss Me” and looked smugly up at Harry.

“Next?”

_Fin >_


End file.
